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Monday, January 21, 2008
Take A Look
Actually dunno what to say lah. I've been void of writing mood for quite some time le. I even haven't touched my novel for 2 weeks, though here and there, I generate ideas for it.
Like the Reading Visual Images that I took for the sake of the novel. Today, I learned about the significance of the body, or the lack thereof. The body is seen as the physical, in touch with the world. On the other hand, a heavily clothed (for eg.) icon is seen as without the physical form and thus represents the spiritual form.
How I interpret and adopt into my novel is this: my novel is full of guys. How I clothe them and not clothe them is easy. Those who represents the lowly, who represents desire and greed will often dress less than those who represents wisdom and ideals. Of cos, when the latter falls from grace, he will start to dress like the lowlys.
See, I can make the link.
I have yet to think of how to fit the concept of square and circle into story, though.
After a few extended lessons of driving, I have resumed to the normal 1-hr lesson. I take it as my instructor's cue that he thinks I can make it for the test, if I don't cork up. Been still doing mistakes here and there, but it's all a part of the learning process, I guess.
Like what I told vivi when I met her this afternoon (she started her lessons at the same time as me), and what I had mentioned before, I treat this course as a training to my mind and will too.
Tomorrow, I will post the applications for 2 jobs, one an engineer job, another a technician job, both at the same place. I am under-qualified for the former, and over-qualified for the latter. But those were the jobs which I can find the closest match among all those offered. I really want to work there; been keeping track of their announcements for job postings since 2 years ago. It's more of wanting to work there rather than wanting to take the job.
Is this a bad idea??
For this, I've intensified my physical training. Gotta slim down and pass my IPPT (for real) fast. But my performance has been full of ups and downs. Usually, on Mondays, I will perform badly. Last week, today... I couldn't run 2.4km at one shot. I took 30 min to finish a route I will usually take 25 min.
Like that how? How to pass IPPT??
Anyways, haven't been sleeping well for the past 2 days. Actually, one day.
Yesterday afternoon, I was napping at home in the afternoon. Then, I experienced that '鬼压身'.
For the uninitiated, it was the experience where a sleeping person felt a ghost weighing down on him. The person tries to wake up in vain, due to the 'ghost'. The scientific reason, which I believe in, was that only the conscious mind was awake but not the motor-neurons. So, when the conscious mind tries to control the motor neurons, the mind finds the body 'paralyzed' and hence the feeling of being weighed down by ghosts.
I used to hate this kind of feeling. I hate the feeling of not being able to control my body. I will go crazy if someone attempts to tie me down. I will rather die than be paralyzed neck-down.
But I think since I have experienced it quite a number of times to be less bothered by that. Amazingly, my mind also seemed to know my complacency with the feeling and decided to up the fear factor.
When it happened that afternoon, my dreamy mind played with the feeling and I dreamt that I was releasing energy to wake my motor neurons up (think Hulk growing Hulky). Like a drama, the feeling of helplessness faded from my head to my toes. But just as I relaxed, it crept back up again, giving off a hiss of sound like the deep growling of a man.
I was spooked, but it was in bright daylight, so I couldn't be bothered.
I told myself to heck care with it and go dream instead. Sure enough, after a few rounds of dreaming, I was able to move again.
But that was only part one.
I experienced it at night again, alone in my PGP room.
I couldn't remember the details, but that I was lying in a dark room being weighed down. This time round, the 'ghost' grabbed me tight and even twisted my arms back. It had such long nails that it dug deep and painfully into my back as it gripped me. The horror was unspeakable, because I could see its dark form above me. The more I struggled to break free, the deeper it dug its nails into me.
Finally, I broke free of the spell, ran out and found my mum outside the room. It was a relief to see her, but even though I was feeling neutral (don't ask me, dreams are weird), I felt obliged to release the emotions I felt earlier. Amazingly, I cried the moment I told myself to, and I showed my mum the wounds I had on my back.
I woke up then, facing up, my arms behind me, and the sky still dark.
The creepiness got to me, and I forced myself to sleep.
The thing is, in the past, when I fought to wake up, I ended up in an endless cycle of dreaming myself struggling to wake up. I will fight, command my arms to move, wake up, sit up, only to realize that was just a dream and I am still dreaming.
During the past 2 experience, I didn't fight to move my body. I just 'let it happen'. And the dream developed into a horror story.
Darn!
Speaking of it now, I'm afraid to sleep...
I realized that as much an atheist I am, when darkness falls, I also develop fears for the supernatural. And especially when my conscious mind is not in the dominant state, I am more driven by feelings of fear.
Anybody feel the same??
Actually dunno what to say lah. I've been void of writing mood for quite some time le. I even haven't touched my novel for 2 weeks, though here and there, I generate ideas for it.
Like the Reading Visual Images that I took for the sake of the novel. Today, I learned about the significance of the body, or the lack thereof. The body is seen as the physical, in touch with the world. On the other hand, a heavily clothed (for eg.) icon is seen as without the physical form and thus represents the spiritual form.
How I interpret and adopt into my novel is this: my novel is full of guys. How I clothe them and not clothe them is easy. Those who represents the lowly, who represents desire and greed will often dress less than those who represents wisdom and ideals. Of cos, when the latter falls from grace, he will start to dress like the lowlys.
See, I can make the link.
I have yet to think of how to fit the concept of square and circle into story, though.
After a few extended lessons of driving, I have resumed to the normal 1-hr lesson. I take it as my instructor's cue that he thinks I can make it for the test, if I don't cork up. Been still doing mistakes here and there, but it's all a part of the learning process, I guess.
Like what I told vivi when I met her this afternoon (she started her lessons at the same time as me), and what I had mentioned before, I treat this course as a training to my mind and will too.
Tomorrow, I will post the applications for 2 jobs, one an engineer job, another a technician job, both at the same place. I am under-qualified for the former, and over-qualified for the latter. But those were the jobs which I can find the closest match among all those offered. I really want to work there; been keeping track of their announcements for job postings since 2 years ago. It's more of wanting to work there rather than wanting to take the job.
Is this a bad idea??
For this, I've intensified my physical training. Gotta slim down and pass my IPPT (for real) fast. But my performance has been full of ups and downs. Usually, on Mondays, I will perform badly. Last week, today... I couldn't run 2.4km at one shot. I took 30 min to finish a route I will usually take 25 min.
Like that how? How to pass IPPT??
Anyways, haven't been sleeping well for the past 2 days. Actually, one day.
Yesterday afternoon, I was napping at home in the afternoon. Then, I experienced that '鬼压身'.
For the uninitiated, it was the experience where a sleeping person felt a ghost weighing down on him. The person tries to wake up in vain, due to the 'ghost'. The scientific reason, which I believe in, was that only the conscious mind was awake but not the motor-neurons. So, when the conscious mind tries to control the motor neurons, the mind finds the body 'paralyzed' and hence the feeling of being weighed down by ghosts.
I used to hate this kind of feeling. I hate the feeling of not being able to control my body. I will go crazy if someone attempts to tie me down. I will rather die than be paralyzed neck-down.
But I think since I have experienced it quite a number of times to be less bothered by that. Amazingly, my mind also seemed to know my complacency with the feeling and decided to up the fear factor.
When it happened that afternoon, my dreamy mind played with the feeling and I dreamt that I was releasing energy to wake my motor neurons up (think Hulk growing Hulky). Like a drama, the feeling of helplessness faded from my head to my toes. But just as I relaxed, it crept back up again, giving off a hiss of sound like the deep growling of a man.
I was spooked, but it was in bright daylight, so I couldn't be bothered.
I told myself to heck care with it and go dream instead. Sure enough, after a few rounds of dreaming, I was able to move again.
But that was only part one.
I experienced it at night again, alone in my PGP room.
I couldn't remember the details, but that I was lying in a dark room being weighed down. This time round, the 'ghost' grabbed me tight and even twisted my arms back. It had such long nails that it dug deep and painfully into my back as it gripped me. The horror was unspeakable, because I could see its dark form above me. The more I struggled to break free, the deeper it dug its nails into me.
Finally, I broke free of the spell, ran out and found my mum outside the room. It was a relief to see her, but even though I was feeling neutral (don't ask me, dreams are weird), I felt obliged to release the emotions I felt earlier. Amazingly, I cried the moment I told myself to, and I showed my mum the wounds I had on my back.
I woke up then, facing up, my arms behind me, and the sky still dark.
The creepiness got to me, and I forced myself to sleep.
The thing is, in the past, when I fought to wake up, I ended up in an endless cycle of dreaming myself struggling to wake up. I will fight, command my arms to move, wake up, sit up, only to realize that was just a dream and I am still dreaming.
During the past 2 experience, I didn't fight to move my body. I just 'let it happen'. And the dream developed into a horror story.
Darn!
Speaking of it now, I'm afraid to sleep...
I realized that as much an atheist I am, when darkness falls, I also develop fears for the supernatural. And especially when my conscious mind is not in the dominant state, I am more driven by feelings of fear.
Anybody feel the same??
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